A LOVE HAD - "And Lost"

It was on a special night, and in fact, Valentines Day Evening. We decided that homemade lasagna would be a great dish to accompany a glass of wine. The smell of lasagna baking in the oven, she being next to me while holding my hand on the sofa in front of the big screen. We weren't into the movie too much. We were too much into each other, carrying on interesting conversations, and talking about nothing. Then, it just so happens that the subject changed, and before you know it, we were talking about sex and past experiences. I looked for an opportunity to disrupt her at one point in order to keep my mind on the food in the oven. After we got full of wine and lasagna, she began rubbing my neck and hands. She kissed me on my left cheek. After a little foreplay, we were on our way to her bedroom. She's got the most beautiful silk bed sheets I've ever seen. The carpet in her room was pink and very thick, but soft. Before I could turn around, she was fully undressed. She loosened my belt with her teeth to a certain point. She knew sex tricks the average girl never did. Forcing me onto her bed, she began lubricating my navel with her tongue and lips. After a brief moment of foreplay, my manly nature took control.

She continued gazing into my eyes with a steady look of nervousness while at the same time, her body was going through periodic moments of jerking with a range of every 4-8 seconds, and the heat of the moment became even more intense. Our minds were off into another realm. We were in one mind, and we had the same goal, and we saw the same opportunity, which was to experience maximum pleasure through ultimate climax. By now, she had already begun brazing the back of my calf with her big toe. I was so much into pleasing her that I forgot where I was and had no sense of what time it was. Sensation became the dominant factor. A smooth flow of wind blew the pink curtain on the window rod back and forth from the window we were lying next to on her bed. Glistening rays from the moon light shined directly on our naked bodies as we continued to roll over, taking turns being on the bottom and top of each other. The room was very peaceful, and besides her moaning and sounds of relief, you could also hear the ceiling fan's rotation at moderate speed. She instantly raised both her feet and rested them beneath my shoulders. The speed of my body motion did increase, and the level of pleasure increased with it. The scent of her obsession perfume began to roam the air as a result of friction. The stars in the sky were like human voyeurists, watching the two of us collapse into orgasm.

Finally, it was over. I resisted the temptation to go at it again, because I decided to compromise with self-control, though fantasies in my mind would not come to rest. We spent 2 minutes lying beside each other in silence. I was glad to see her smiling at me as a sign of satisfaction, even though her eyes were barely open. I knew that whenever a woman's eyes are barely open and she's smiling simultaneously, that means that she is happy about something. Therefore, there was no need for me to ask her how the experience was. I knew.

She arose from off the bed where I was lying and walked over to the bathroom to take a shower. While she was in there, I started thinking to myself, "I don't really love her the way I should, at least the way she wants me to." I felt bad as if I knew what I was doing, but I did it anyway. And then I thought again, saying to myself, "how am I going to tell her I'm not ready for a serious relationship, not to mention a life-long commitment?" About 5 minutes had gone by. I lit up a cigarette and continued thinking to myself, and planning how I would break the news to her. She was the perfect woman for me, but I just wasn't ready. The worst part about it is, she's not the first woman I did this to. Finally, I forced myself to quickly get dressed and head for the door. While she was in the bathroom drying herself off I made a way for the door. She never got to see me leave, and she never saw me again. I did what a lot of men have done before, and even do today, run, run, run away, "UNTIL YOU ARE FREE."

DEAR MOTHER - "If Time Allows"

Dear mother, God knows I've loved you,

He's been my witness, He has been my proof.

And I wanted you to see and feel all the love I had for you.

Just to have told you that I loved you mother, was the least that I could do.

Even though words move me emotionally,

And seem to have a way; I only used them to express my heart,

And my deep down sentiments.

Without words I seem lost mother, and without them - I am.

You raised a heart of words mother, but this heart of mine spelled love.

And it wasn't just the plain love, but it was filled with so many different whys:

I've loved you as a mother, and as a child of God's;

I've loved you on holidays, when all your love was so encouraging.

I loved you on your birthdays, thanking God I had not lost you.

I've loved you in so many ways mother, that 'words' alone simply could not say.

And what's more mother, the more I matured - the more I could not help but love you.

They've gone hand-in-hand, heart-to-heart.

I simply could not grow without loving you more -

Words which enhanced my reactions to please you most, as each day arrived and passed.


I've been a 'HEART OF NOTES' mother.


Time can be beautiful as it grows among the stars,

And as it yarns and stretches within ones life.

Time can be more beautiful than the world has ever lived,

If it is learned and spent well before it reaches it's limit.

For time allows a lifetime of happiness to those -

Who've learned to properly use it.

And for those who scheme and abuse it,

Sooner or later bears it's deadening scars.

For time allows a many things about it's borders,

And carries a many pains within it's powers.

Yet, time too has it's limits, as it holds no reins in death, just death.

Time allows a world its breath of life - its activities both calm and wild,

Sweet and evil. Time allows for baptism and to be reborn in the Holy Spirit.

And to the contrary: time allows for the sinful, rotting of the soul.

Time allows hunger to turn starvation, and greed into extreme selfishness.

Time allows for upheavals and wars, for documents, treaties, and peace.

Good-bye My Warrior Princess

NOW I WILL SAY MY FINAL GOOD-BYE

Here I am, a warrior.

A successor of the ranks, caught in the heart of the battle,

Now the time is finally here, the time for me to mirror the intent of mine enemy.

Nevertheless, I must withstand every trial with great effort.

A battle was never won by fear, but only by wasted blood and tears.

What man is there among us, our army, who will take my place.

So now I say my final goodbye. Goodbye, my little warrior princess.


I will remember you up until the day I die.

Yet, if I do win the battle, and live, I shall make haste to return to you.

It will do no good for me to stay with you now.

Our freedom is important, and it is also a part of our livelihood.

We enjoy each other's freedom, the freedom to love and marry as we choose.

It is my sole duty to serve and protect you that you may keep that freedom.

So now I say my final goodbye. Goodbye my little warrior princess.

Do not think for a second that I did not love you.

For you have helped me build my courage.

Virtue has served many others well just from my right hand.

Your name is an engraven letter in my heart, beneath my breastplate.

I am the heart and soul of the battle.

Words cannot express the abundance of treasure you have given me.

The treasures of mercy, honor, compassion, loyalty and love.

You have made your peace, and now it is time that I make mine.

I have to fight for ours.

Do not grieve if I lose out on the prize, and don't count it as a loss.

Count it as a gain, a declaration of freedom.

So now I say my final goodbye. Goodbye my little warrior princess.

It is my pleasure to keep you 'til the end of my days.

But truth has become my purpose, to love, honor, and cherish until death departs us.

It has not come, but if it will, then let me defend my cause.

My calling was that of a warrior.

Rage is at the heat of my loins, to do what all warriors must do - kill.

I have treaded through the waters of many battle grounds.

I am a man of old age. When I was young, I fought more, leaped higher heights.

When I was young, many men feared me. Goliath would fall at my heels.

But I am a man of old age now. My breath does not stay with me always.

But I must go on to fight my last battle.

So now I say my final goodbye.

The time is near for my sword and shield to lie in sand and collect dust.

Victory is scarce for a man of my age.

By pride I will fight, my will will strengthen me to fight, by bravery I will die.



Here I am, a warrior.

A successor of the ranks, caught in the heart of the battle,

Now the time is finally here, the time for me to mirror the intent of mine enemy.

Nevertheless, I must withstand every trial with great effort.

A battle was never won by fear, but only by wasted blood and tears.

What man is there among us, our army, who will take my place.

So now I say my final goodbye. Goodbye, my little warrior princess.

the confessions of a pure heart - "prayer for the dying"

"Lord, I repent of my ill-will intentions to go another minute without receiving your love which surpasses all understanding. My heart's desire is to know Christ and him crucified. I earnestly seek for more grace immeasurably by surrendering my heart to the life of Jesus Christ according to your perfect will, that through him all things will be reconciled unto you. I am so grateful that his blood has been/is the redemption that cleanses me from all unrighteousness. You loved me so much that you bought me with a price, a price that only he could pay. I thank you for the gift of eternal life I have now received in his name. Although you didn't spare your own son, yet, will you not along with him render me all due blessings? I understand that I am blameless in your sight because of this love you have abounded towards me. I cannot resist the desire to return the favor of Godly love towards my neighbor. It is not that I loved you, but that you loved me first. Thank you heavenly Father. I will be glad to assemble with other Christians in Jesus' name just to offer up sacrifices of praise. These have you found to be acceptable in your sight, that the joy of the Holy Spirit is manifested when I offer these sacrifices of gratitude, gratefulness, thanksgiving, unselfish compassion, earnest hunger for more truth, and the love and care for all saints in Christ Jesus. I thank you heavenly Father for the everlasting joy that is bestowed upon me because of the hope that you have given me, that when Christ appears again, I shall be changed to immortality. For Jesus Christ is the resurrection and life, he is the power in my blood, he is the rest of my soul, he is the wisdom that you have planted in me. And this wisdom alone makes foolish the wisdom of men in this world. For your grace and mercy is with the poor. Amen

AN INTIMATE AFFAIR

A HEART OF NOTES

I have heard the sound of the harp.

I have heard the sounds of praises and singing.

I have even heard Chatham bells ringing.

But for my love, I have a much better instrument.

I have only a heart of notes.


NATURE'S BEST

What can be said about the beauty of nature?

Nature's beauty has been looked upon with awe.

Many books have been written about it.

But you darling - are nature's best.


THE END OF TIME

If I had to give someone else your description,

What would I say, and which words are there,

To describe someone who is a gift - from God.

Even your hair, yes, is like the feather of Eagles' wings.

I never knew softness until the day you held me close,

And your hair did fall upon my shoulders.

I looked into your eyes, and there, I thought I saw the sun.

I beheld your face, and saw a precious jewel beneath it.

Even your person alone is a picture I will keep.

Not only in my most cherishable memories.

But also in my life, but only if you say, "I do."

And only if you will be mine. Just 'til the end of time.


CHARITY

Intimacy is a very personal, but yet a special paradise.

It is the deepest of thoughts in my mind.

I have known you. Then I pondered good thoughts.

Thinking to levels of heights above heights, deep thoughts.

How one can love one so, just as you have loved me.

Experiencing great measures of gladness, pleasure, peace, and charity.


MYSELF

When you are close, I want to feel more than just your touch.

When you are close, I want to feel your presence - your tender care.

Keep me near, and close by your side that I may turn to you.

Keep me near, and close to your beauty, that only I may see -

That it alone is the reason to celebrate.

A glory that only I can have to myself.

We Are Magicians

Yes, there is a thing called love and magic.

We both have found love, and now, it is time to find the magic.

Now, even we have become magicians.

There is magic in love.

"Magic" is a tricky word, but with it comes a revelation.

Now, even we have become magicians.

When you say "I love you," my hope for our future is rekindled.

When I say the same, our hope has become a reality.

Yes, there is a thing called love and magic.

We both have found love, and now, it is time to find the magic.

Now, even we have become magicians.

AN IMMORTAL THING

Yes, there is a thing called wisdom.

Men say that it comes with age, But

I say it doesn't.

There is a thing called foolishness and jealousy.

A man whom you love may be foolishly in love.

He falls on his face at the sight of you - dearest to his heart.

And I have become that fool.

A man whom you love may be jealous for your sake.

He becomes a knight of shining armour to keep you safe.

Please, my dear, let me be your knight.

So that we may journey together on the horse to an island.

Away from the world in its grief, to a place where only we can be alone.

Peace is our shield, to embrace what we share in secret. And

Away from the world in its turmoil, to a place where we can be in secret.

There is a thing called courage.

Bravery speaks for itself, that no man will take you by force from me.

Truth is my sword, which I will use to judge:

.better for good
more for less
priority for principle
dignity for gratitude
But there is an immortal thing which touches my deepest desire:

.We have become one in flesh, man and women,

.husband and wife,

.lover for lover,

There is an immortal thing which touches my deepest desire.

That immortal thing is love.

NOTHING MATTERS

I have heard people say to me, "nothing matters to you."

They called me selfish.

They have also said these things:

.When there is one to be cared for, the love of my life is the first.

.When there is one to embrace, the love of my life is the first.

.When there is a princess along the way, I look for the love of my life.

And all these things are true, you are, MY LOVE.

"Nothing matters."

You Are - "An Invisible Love"

WISHFUL THINKING
Life is about taking chances.


But, my chances of loving you isn't a chance in a lifetime.


I've seen you at the PEARLY WATER FOUNTAIN OF WISHES.


And you made your wish, that we would share our love as one.


If you truly love me, would it not have been better-


To come to me instead, lay your head on my shoulder,


and make your wish?


All you have given me was wishful thinking.


One good thing deserves another.


Good begets good


Compassion begets likewise, But


Wishful thinking begets wishful thinking.


I have become your imaginary Love.



CAST STONES
Strange it seems, to wish for so much,


And it becomes nought.


Are you willing to accept this love from me?


Do you now regret what I have said?


Please, my love, do not regret.


For now isn't the time to cast stones.


You have looked upon your past love --


With the eyes of lust,


Even when you saw that I was priceless.


How could you settle for less?


There is an answer for this blindness,


Yes, even 2 answers, and both of them are blindness.


Perhaps, I am wrong. It was deception.


You thought what you saw was good, and yet, deceitful.


He saw you in your despair, and left you,


Alone to yourself.


When you rejoiced in your wealth, he returned to you --


To rejoice also. But he saw you in your grief and failure.


And once again, he left you.


Now, you have looked to me once again to save you.


From your loneliness you cry out to me for love restored.


And now I pity you.





I CAN'T CRY
I cannot cry with you.


I am not sad to have avoided your blindness and deception.


In spite of my loneliness, I am yet flawless.


There isn't anyone for me to deceive.


I can't hurt anyone but myself.



DO YOU CARE?
Do you care?


When I am in despair, will you also walk away,


And leave me to myself in my distress?


Just as he, your past love left YOU?


Tell me the truth, and I will be convinced of honesty.



LOYALTY
What is loyalty to you?


You have shown only loyalty to yourself.


Indeed, life is about taking chances.


Perhaps, in your life, it is about making wishes.



WISHFUL THINKING (part 2)
I cannot love someone wishfully, for it is wishful thinking.


I will not accept such a challenge to take a chance,


Loving nothing but a shadow.


You are to me - a shadow.